I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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