No stitches, just platelets and will power
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
