I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
His hands were made for my vagina.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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