It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
