Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
