guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
