24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
