Have you finally orgasmed yet?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Randomize
