Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize