Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
