Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
