I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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