Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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