Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
