It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
dude i'm inner monologue high
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
