fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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