Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
