At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
