I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
