cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize