seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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