It's Friday. Sex?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
