I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
