While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
