Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
