can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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