i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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