And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
