im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
