So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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