I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
