i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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