New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
