Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
