I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
