Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Randomize
