his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
