she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
