I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
