I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize