The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
