Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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