what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
