blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
