Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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