just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize