We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
