Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
