Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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