God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
