Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
