thus making me awesome and them whores
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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