Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
