I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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