Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize