drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
