careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
