8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Do vagina's smell?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
