Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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