I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
