you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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