Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
