It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
