in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
