seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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