THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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